I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
