Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
