Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
