Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
