I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
