idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
