Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
