Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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