My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
