Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
