It's Friday. Sex?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
