Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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