i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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