The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
