i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
