remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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