I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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