Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
