Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i believe in u and ur pee
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
