I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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