The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
