My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
