Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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