NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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