Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
