I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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