I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it hurts more in the daytime
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
