Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
