My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
