So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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