my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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