she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize