His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
