I smell stomach acid.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
