she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You are the jesus of drinking
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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