I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
