Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
