i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize