i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
