So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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