So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
