I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
