First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize