His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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