So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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