I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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