i was born a porn star she said
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
