i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
