He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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