just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
