census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
