I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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