he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
