end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
