I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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