I'm gonna have a badass scar
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
