I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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