Screwed.edu
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
