What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
