this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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