do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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