you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
