Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
