Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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