Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
