YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
