Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
