i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
